We’ve all been there, a moment when someone says or does something that instantly rubs us the wrong way. Our first instinct? Sarcasm, blunt honesty, or a flash of frustration.
I’ve been consciously working on this my entire life. It’s not easy, especially when sarcasm was my father’s love language. Sometimes, sarcasm escapes my mouth before I catch it. But recently, during a Mind Aerobics class based on a worksheet from the New England Cognitive Center, I experienced a powerful shift.
One of the brain games we played focused entirely on this skill: taking a triggering scenario and rewriting our response with empathy, tact, and emotional intelligence. It’s simple, fun, and surprisingly effective. I think of it as a workout for my social brain.
Here’s how it works:
Each round starts with a common (and slightly tricky) social situation. First, we identify the impulsive response, the kind that might feel satisfying in the moment, but could hurt feelings or escalate tension. Then, we reframe it with kindness, curiosity, or self-awareness.
Here are a few real examples we played with:
Scenario 1: The Unflattering Outfit
Impulsive Response:
“That’s what you’re wearing? You have a closet full of clothes and this is what you choose? This makes you look like a clown.”
Polite Reframe:
“That color isn’t my favorite, but if you feel good in it, that’s what matters most.” Or… “You always light up a room, maybe that other dress shows off your style even more?”
Scenario 2: The “Amateurish” Artwork
Impulsive Response:
“This looks like something a kid made.”
Polite Reframe:
“It’s got a bold, playful energy, what inspired your approach?”
Scenario 3: The Colleague’s Work Slip-Up
Impulsive Response:
“Wow. Thanks for wasting everyone’s time.”
Polite Reframe:
“It happens to all of us; how can I help us get back on track?”
Scenario 4: The Line Cutter
Impulsive Response:
“Hey! I’m standing here… You just cut in front of me, what are you blind?”
Polite Reframe:
“Excuse me, I believe I was next, mind if I hop ahead?”
Scenario 5: The Eye-Rolling Teen
Impulsive Response:
“Don’t roll your eyes at me. I’m not your maid. Get up and do it!”
Polite Reframe:
“I know it’s annoying, but this is one of those things we just need to take care of. Thanks for doing your part.”
Why does this matter? Practicing these reframes builds our skills in emotional regulation, empathy, and conflict resolution. It trains our minds to pause and choose the high road, even when we’re under pressure. Even when someone says something completely ignorant. Even when we really want to fire off a sharp retort or throw our hands up and walk away. Even when our inner monologue is saying, “Are you kidding me right now?”
This practice gives us a little breathing room between impulse and response. It reminds us that we can express how we really feel and be kind about it.
It’s not about being fake. It’s about choosing our words with intention and making space for connection, not just reaction.
This makes for a fantastic journal exercise, family dinner game, classroom activity, or team-building challenge. We can even reflect on moments from our day and ask ourselves: How could I have rephrased that more thoughtfully?
I can’t stop thinking about how much kinder and more connected the world would be if we all paused, stayed calm, and chose our words with love.
Sending out world peace vibes today, and…
Shabbat Shalom.