THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW

Whether it’s the letdown of a favorite sports team losing the big game, or missing out on an opportunity, or facing a personal setback… don’t we all have moments when things don’t go as we had hoped?

When I sat down to write this column Sunday morning after watching our Detroit Lions fall short in their game against the Washington Commanders my thoughts turned to the residents at JSL and how they cope with setbacks. One of the signs of healthy aging is the ability to cope with disappointment.  So, we asked a couple of residents about how they cope with these sorts of things.

Hechtman resident Roz Rogers shared, “There’s always next year. I’m always a Lion’s fan, always a Detroit supporter.”

Adele Nodler told us, “You win a few, you lose a few. Of course, there are disappointments, but the sense of community was the best; gathering together is what it’s all about. When one door closes, another opens. It’s ok to ‘boo hoo’ for a few minutes, then you move forward.”

What gave me hope on Sunday morning was when the news we had been waiting for came true.  It was the release after 471 days of three female hostages, Emily Damari, Romi Gonen and Doron Steinbrecher reunited with their families in Israel… with the prospect of more hostages to be released. This great news provided me with perspective and changed the tone of loss to one of hope.

We all have different ways of dealing with disappointment. It’s important to acknowledge these emotions rather than push them aside or blame others. Frustration triggers a cascade of negative feelings that can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like overindulging in pizza or shutting down emotionally.

The first step to overcoming disappointment is acknowledging it. It’s normal to feel upset but it’s important not to stay in that place for too long. The longer we linger there, the harder it becomes to move forward. One of the things I’ve learned is to ask myself— how important is this in the grand scheme of things?

Losing a game, missing out on a promotion, or experiencing a setback in life will most definitely hurt, but when we put it in perspective, we can often see that it’s certainly not the end of the world. We’re seeing signs of the end of the world… we can name them… just read the news…. For one… consider the serious tragedy of the California fires. This realization doesn’t minimize our pain, but it helps us put things into context and move forward with a healthier mindset.

We can channel disappointments into physical activity. “Shake it off, Shake it off, “sings Taylor Swift. When we reframe our perspective, we overcome disappointment. Empowering ourselves to find calm amidst the chaos to heal is a daily practice.

I like to focus on a quote from a favorite film, Shawshank Redemption… “Get busy living or get busy dying.” In essence, we can make the choice to rise above disappointment and shift our focus to living with hope, purpose and action.

This could mean writing a letter of gratitude to someone you care about, acknowledging their struggles, and offering support. During times of loss, heartfelt tributes and messages of love and care are often the most comforting part of the experience. This kind of action helps remind us of the importance of human connection.

So, why not send a little love to our Detroit Lions? In addition to showing them grace for their hard work and efforts, we can also appreciate them for giving us hope and pride. They’ve helped us believe in something bigger than ourselves, and that’s a powerful gift in today’s world.

Finally, as the days pass, we can take a page from Cher’s advice in Moonstruck, “Snap out of it!” Sometimes, we need to give ourselves a little tough love and stop wallowing in our setbacks and disappointments. Sure, take the time to feel what we feel… then make a conscious choice to move past it. Do something that sparks joy. Call a friend, take a walk, take a class or read a book, or dive into a hobby that enriches our senses. We can express our feelings by writing, and we can stay active because physical movement is one of the most effective ways to release stress and improve our mood.

We can try to put things in perspective and ask ourselves if this disappointment will matter in a year, five years, or ten years. Likely, it won’t, and this helps reduce its hold on us. And if we can focus on the positive things that are still present in our life, gratitude helps shift our mindset from scarcity to abundance.

The best way to heal is by showing kindness and appreciation to others. Disappointment is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to define us. By embracing healthier ways of coping, reframing our perspective, and performing acts of loving kindness, we can overcome defeat and move forward with greater resilience and strength. We can make our lives matter.

Shabbat Shalom.